


Garasu no Shounen (Boy of glass)

by vogue91



Category: Hey! Say! JUMP, Johnny's Entertainment
Genre: Confrontations, Hurt, Kissing, M/M, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-13
Updated: 2018-05-13
Packaged: 2019-05-06 07:29:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,498
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14637011
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vogue91/pseuds/vogue91
Summary: “I’ve come here to tell you I pity you, Hikaru.” Inoo hissed, trying to hold back his irritation. “I’ve come to tell you that it’s not my fault you can’t go on, that you can’t be happy. And... really, I don’t get how you can be so damn childish and take it out on me because Kota doesn’t love you, he never has and he never will.”





	Garasu no Shounen (Boy of glass)

Kei wished he could’ve done something.

He was always told he didn’t think about others, that he was cold, that he never thought about the consequences his actions had on people.

And he had grown tired of being treated like the cold and selfish one, gods had he grown tired.

In the end, it had seemed like all the fights and incomprehension of the past year had been his fault, when they hadn’t.

Because Yuya had decided to overlook that, Kota had washed his hands of it and even Yuri had seemed not to mind too much, at least not after all the anger shown in the past few months.

And he and Hikaru were the ones left, and he kept silent and was subjected to his continuous remarks, to his almost casual comments, to all those times Kei had seen himself attacked and he hadn’t reacted for the sake of peace, because he knew he would’ve always ended up being the one in the wrong.

And that was why he was ringing Hikaru’s doorbell for five minutes now.

It was because he wasn’t going to take it anymore, because it was about time to make things clear.

Too many years have passed with them going on with untold words, whispers behind each other’s back, misunderstandings and envy, and Kei didn’t want all those years to rain down on them now, all at once, lashing out all they had kept from each other until now.

At some point Hikaru must’ve gotten tired of the sound of the bell, and finally decided to get to the door.

“What do you want?” he asked, harsh.

Inoo raised an eyebrow.

“Hello to you too, Hikka. It’s so nice to see you.” he murmured, without caring of him standing in front of the door and pushing him aside to get in.

He went sitting in the living room, crossing his legs and smiling to him, while the younger stared angrily at him from the doorframe.

“I’ve asked you what is it that you want, Kei.”

The elder shrugged, making an amused sound.

“I want you to stop, Hikaru. I want you to stop talking about me or Kota, I want you to stop saying gratuitous nasty stuff about me and get a life.” he breathed in, slowly. “You’re pathetic, Hikaru.” he said, standing up and facing him.

The younger averted his eyes, moving away from him as if he couldn’t see him.

But Kei saw him.

He saw the depressed look on his face, he had seen him getting thinner and thinner, he saw the shadows under his eyes getting darker.

But he didn’t care, not anymore.

The time to feel guilty about Hikaru’s choices was over, and the gods knew how much he had done that in the past.

He had done that when Kota had asked, he had done that on his own, because he had never deemed necessary to rub his nose in it.

But, after all, what had been the point?

He had gained the glares, being looked like he hadn’t given a damn about his friend, thinking only about what he wanted.

Because everybody failed to remember that Yabu had just fallen in love with him like he had fallen in love with Yabu, because they never remembered that Kei had taken nothing from no one, because Hikaru was the one suffering, so he got all the understanding.

And he was tired of trying and understand him.

“Did you come here just to tell me that, Kei?” the younger murmured, licking his lower lip and raising an eyebrow, as if what the other had just said didn’t concern him.

“I’ve come here to tell you I pity you, Hikaru.” Inoo hissed, trying to hold back his irritation. “I’ve come to tell you that it’s not my fault you can’t go on, that you can’t be happy. And... really, I don’t get how you can be so damn childish and take it out on me because Kota doesn’t love you, he never has and he never will.” he said, trying to put in those words all the meanness he had.

He couldn’t take it, nor he wanted to.

But it was necessary to get out of that hell that the last year had been, to get out of that vicious circle of witty comebacks and not-so-veiled malicious comments.

So that he could’ve stopped seeing that depressed look on Hikaru’s face, aware that the younger thought he was the only reason behind it.

Yaotome kept staring at him as if he couldn’t truly see him.

He looked thoughtful, and Kei wondered what was there to think about.

They both knew he was right, and Kei could’ve also understood his anger had they still been at the beginning, had he looked for a scapegoat for his pain in the first months he had found out he and Kota were together.

For sure, not four years later.

For sure not after having pretended so well he was his friend, not after having always offered him a shoulder to cry on, not after having pretended he was fine with how things were.

“Got nothing to say, Hikka?” he asked then, almost as if he wanted for the other to get irritated, as if he wanted for him to finally yell at his face, without hiding behind jokes and interviews.

But Hikaru kept quiet, and he got more nervous.

He went back close to him, grabbing his shoulder and shaking him.

“Say something, damn it! Is it really possible that you can’t say a damn thing when we’re face to face? Really, are you such a coward that you can’t even tell me you hate me and that you think I’ve taken Kota away from you?” he said, loud, angrier.

And it was then that Yaotome reacted in a way he would’ve never expected.

It was just a split second, and he could do nothing to stop him.

He wiggled out of his hold, then he pushed him against the wall, his hands firm on his chest so that he couldn’t move.

Then he leant over him and kissed him.

He kissed him, and Kei felt his hands tight on him, he felt Hikaru’s breath blending with his own, the taste of his lips that...

He pushed him away abruptly, staring at him, his breath heavy.

The younger wasn’t looking at him.

He stared at the floor, trying to recover.

“What... what does that mean, Hikaru?” he asked, low, as if all the rage he had felt up until now had disappeared.

“You’ve always thought Yabu was the issue. You all have.” he murmured, then he sighed and finally looked at him. “He never was. I hadn’t cared when the two of you had gotten together, not until… until I’ve realized...” he stopped, and he didn’t seem intentioned to go down that road. “But I’m pathetic, am I not? It’s exactly like you said, if not worse. Because I can only take it out on you, I can’t tell you what I want and...” he sighed, biting his lip. “And I stay here, depressed and not eating and not sleeping because of this, instead of getting a life, like you said. I’m truly pathetic, but I realize that on my own, thank you so much.”

Then he pointed at the door, while Kei tried to think fast.

He was asking him to leave, he had given him his answer, but it wasn’t what he had been expecting.

“Hikaru, I...” he murmured, frowning, but the other didn’t let him go on.

“Don’t talk, please. I know you owe nothing to me, but... don’t make me even more miserable than I already am.”

And Kei understood that he would’ve gotten nothing, and like he had arrived he left.

He felt empty.

Lacking the certainties he had when he had gotten inside that apartment, lacking the anger that had driven him to face the younger, lacking the exasperation that had led him to this point.

And, most of all, he felt the weight of responsibilities again.

Hikaru hadn’t chosen who to love, be that Kota or him.

He had chosen to obsess over that love, he had chosen not to let it go, he had chosen to keep suffering without doing something to feel better, or find someone who truly knew what he was talking about.

All in all, Kei wished he hadn’t told him.

He wished he could’ve gotten back home strong with his certainties, and without the hammering thought that he had gotten it all wrong for all those years, that he had misunderstood the younger’s signals, just like they all had.

There was nothing he could do for him, not anymore.

He didn’t feel right.

The weight of Hikaru’s sadness, that tired look on him, that body too think and those shadows under his eyes, too deep...

It wasn’t his fault, he kept telling himself.

But he really couldn’t convince himself of that.


End file.
